0:00 The video begins and hits you like a Goddamn sledgehammer! You need a moment to take it all in or else your shit melts. From left to right you have Doc Brown, rocking the lawn chair and house slippers, laid back as fuck behind Blu Blockers; the Libyan Nationals’ reprisal for his plutonium double-cross the last thing on his fuzzy mind. Today he’s just here to chill the fuck out on a tasty groove, and get his shit blown by a fucking virtuoso sword routine. Well, you’re in luck pal.
At Doc Brown’s feet is the dog from Frasier, staring way too intently at what appears to be some sort of retarded birdhouse-doggie bowl combo platter. Turn the fuck around you little brown-buttholed-bitch, there’s swordplay afoot!
To the right of Eddie is a shockingly bitching jambox, the likes of which I haven’t seen since a 1980′s rap video. The shit needs to be pumped, and this is absolutely the correct apparatus for shit-pumping.
Pop, Pop! Foreground time, and that tasty little cooz rocking the sword has all the right moves. The perky little tits say “Hey, let’s do this shit,” while the pony tail, Seinfeldian white shoes and the fucking sword say, “Hey, maybe not.” The t-shirt tucked into the Lee jeans is consistent with your classic white people behavior, and when sword time ends, you just know something’s going to get Bedazzled within an inch of its dick.
To Shogun’s right is a garbage can no doubt containing the remains of Grandpa, and a suspiciously ajar garage door. There’s some plastic bags hanging from the knob, which means the entire ensemble is just a tube of model airplane glue from kicking this shit to the next level. On the garage door is a framed painting of a Mexican boy in a sombrero holding an earthen jug. You can tell it’s “fine art” from the manner in which someone made the command decision to hang it outside where birds can shit on it after stealing the dog’s food.
Finally, on the far right is a bucket and mop, which is fortunate because you know that concrete is going to need a good spritzing after God shoots his hot load all over the fucking scene.
0:12 If you can take your eyes off the mesmerizing sword-opera being performed in the foreground, you’ll notice something stirring in the house. Whoa! Who is this luscious fuckboy? Why, it’s the assbaby twin of Sword Girl! After opening and closing what is evidently the heaviest sliding door in all of Hazzard County, Baby Blue joins the fray and instantly hits the ground running. “Hey, I’ve heard this song before, and I fucking love it. I’m going to pump my shit like a motherfucker and drink this beer because dad abandoned us last week and Grandma doesn’t care.” And she doesn’t. So he does. The dog glances up for a moment to confirm that Baby Blue’s crotch isn’t caked with peanut butter like yesterday, but loses interest when it’s not. Yet.
0:35 After a good 20 seconds of All-American grooving, Baby Blue can’t stand not being involved in the shit anymore. He thrusts out his bottle at Grandma as if to say, “Here, my freedom of movement is much more important than yours. Hold my shit with your bloodless corpse-hands you doddering old tramp.” She takes it. She always takes it. BB is going in for a closer look. “Don’t worry about me, Sis. I’m just checking out your sweet moves.” But we know this is bullshit because he’s been clutching a butterfly knife in his dickfingers since he popped out the door! Don’t believe me? Roll back the tape. We know now that the fix is in, so this shit better at least be fucking well-choreographed…
0:49 …And it fucking is! Baby Blue holds his chin in an inquistive fashion for a moment, as if he’s pondering the imponderableness of the sweet shit Sister Shogun is laying down all over the pavement. But it’s only a misdirection ponder because… BAM! He’s in! Stepping up to the plate like a goddamn champion, Baby Blue just doubled your pleasure.
1:02 The shit gets hot with some dual slingbladin’ and you can’t help but feel you’re being double-fisted by Jesus. Matching his sister faggy punch for faggy punch, Baby Blue is truly in his element.
1:05 The dynamic duo go back to back, and you can almost imagine them fighting off hordes of Yakuza together through determination, creepy ass-twin telepathy, and the power of dance fight.
1:16 Sis unleashes a vicious, arching swing at Blue’s head, causing you to cum your pants at the prospect of a decapitation. But surprise! It was all just the product of the tightest choreography since Philo fought Clyde in that barn. Blue’s fine and counters with his own impotent tiny knife attack. This shit is every which way and awesome.
1:23 The video cuts off abruptly. Suspiciously abruptly, even! What happened at 1:24 that they don’t want us to see? Did that little dog get chopped in half? Did Grandma pitch forward face-first into a doggie bowl full of bird seed? Did dance fighting turn into dance fucking? Or more likely, was it an awesome combination of the three?
It’s a cliffhanger. Stay tuned!
Related posts:
Someone, quick: give me the contact info for that luscious young boy! That’s how comments work, right? I can just request things and they will be magically delivered? OK, great.
I had a Butterfly Knife like that. It got me a Menacing charge and six weeks of Anger Management classes.
I had a Butterfly knife like that once… Then i took an arrow to the knee…
4 minutes earlier: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkdIVJ3Nngo