Two Boners Don’t Make a Law
March 14, 2011 By 1 Comment
I recently saw a statistic that told me that one out of two men will get cancer. One out of two. My god… my god.
But nobody cares about cancer anymore. No, there are far more important issues to be dealt with in our society today. And perhaps the most important issue that we face today…
…is Gay Rights.
Online Dating Do’s and Dont’s
February 18, 2011 By 4 Comments
If you’re a guy, sometimes all you want out of life is to find the perfect woman with whom you have the possibility of sharing the rest of your existence with, and you become willing to offer your hard earned money to websites that owe their very own existence to “showing you the one” before that “one” gets away. Let’s just cut to the chase here…
Please God, Don’t Let There Be A Real Afterlife
January 10, 2011 By 2 Comments
It would take all of my not inconsiderable writing skill to avoid making a walking dead reference in regards to the current state of the Resident Evil movie franchise, but this movie doesn’t deserve all of my not inconsiderable writing skill and as such shall not be receiving it. In fact, I hesitate to even write this damn article because it might bring attention to the fact that this abortive-friendly catastrophe was even allowed to be made. I try to imagine, in an effort to be fair to Paul “Far too many middle initials you pompous ass” Anderson, that the director was given a choice to either A) make the movie, or B) fuck a goat. Clearly the goat would have nothing to do with him, since he obviously would have preferred fucking the goat. This movie was shit.
Jesus for Christmas? Just wait and have a Thanksgiving leftover first! Oh… and turkey raping.
December 11, 2010 By 4 Comments
How I Lost My Cherry
November 6, 2010 By 2 Comments
By Bonnie Nelson
Women’s Correctional Facility – The Hobby Unit
742 FM 712, Marlin, Texas 76661
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Second-hand VHS Reviews: Bitter Moon
October 30, 2010 By 1 Comment
By Bonnie Nelson
Women’s Correctional Facility – The Hobby Unit
742 FM 712, Marlin, Texas 76661
I am a short-timer (Feb, 2016) enrolled in the Literacy (Adult Basic Education/GED) and Life Skills program. Alls I have is an old VHS deck and a box of charity tapes. Here goes:
Midwest Band Finds Jesus, Brawl Ensues Over Allegations of Mismanagement
October 8, 2010 By Leave a Comment
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Eric Myers is not insane. Well, he’s not completely insane. But he is bat-shit crazy. And Phil Wacker, aka P!P, is just as bad. In fact, P!P may just be more sensible than his counterpart and I assure you, that’s a disturbing thought. I spent some time with them, and with their new band Bareknuckle Bullseye.
WTTW Classy Fucking Fiction Corner: A Bleak Letter from a Used Chair
September 28, 2010 By 3 Comments
It all started innocently enough. My origins are humble, I won’t lie. I didn’t spawn from one of those haughty places, like The Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware. My first family (a newly married couple with a small apartment in a quiet neighborhood) purchased me at Sam’s Club in 1999.
Anyway, they were a nice couple, Jackie and Ryan. They were hopelessly in love, and they ogled me for a long time before they both sat on me, gingerly, agreeing that I would in fact be a great addition to their humble apartment. One look at my tags, my price, and they were fucking sold. Sam Walton, if I could give you a high five, you know, man, if I could, and you weren’t dead, I would, you splendid bastard.
WTTW Classy Fucking Fiction Corner: Bank
September 23, 2010 By 10 Comments
She’s probably German; one of those old nationalities that, a long time ago, required a uniform of aprons and saggy tits. She wears the uniform every day from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m., when she finally drapes a quilted square over her head and closes her eyes, only to wake up at 8 a.m. to repeat household duties.
We’ll call her Mae Von Krause, though her name is ultimately unimportant as we have (or she has) defined Mae’s purposes in life already. She cooks for her equally nondescript husband Frank Von Krause, who obviously spends most his time in a green chair he named “Fuddie” ages ago.
Review of Internet Dating Websites
September 10, 2010 By 5 Comments
I recently decided to try my hand, or rather rest it, out of an incessant fear of carpel-tunnel, blisters, and the lack of any clean towels in the house, on internet dating to see if the results would be profoundly more different than that of the non-internet dating experience.
Before I begin on my rant, let me briefly fill you in on some of the boundless success stories of my pre-internet dating life.
Real Genius: Chaz Jenkel-Number One; The Ultimate Study Machine?
September 5, 2010 By 6 Comments
