WTTW Celebrates 1 Millionth Hit!
You wanted to know what to think? We told your gremlin ass what to think. You needed total coverage? We gave you total coverage. We slaved over hot keyboards, we keyboarded all over hot slaves. We kicked it up to the final notch and then after a short, notch-themed conference and a narrow, 2-0 vote, we took it up an additional notch. (Bam!) Then for your own safety, we took it down a notch. (- Bam!) But following that, we took it up two notches! (Bam, bam!) Then we lost track of which notch we were on. But rest assured, it was one of the super-high ones.
WARNING: This Brown Bag Contains Awesome Advice
I'm a doctor!
By Dr. Rooster McAwesome
As you may have gathered from my byline, I am a doctor. This means that, in addition to having a huge salary, a mansion, a gorgeous young wife with perfect knockers, and a teenage mistress with slightly better knockers (that my wife totally knows about and is cool with!), I am much more intelligent and gracious than you non-doctors. That’s why, when I see a nice story on the secret doctor news website about a fiscally responsible Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate, I think, “Wisconsin?! Who cares? It’s basically Canada.” But immediately afterward I think, “Wow, I like this guy. Now what can I do to help him out?” That, my friends, is what separates me from your Average-Joe-Keystone-Light-30-pack. So what follows is my advice, as a doctor and a genius, to Scott Walker.
Vampire Weekend — Contra
I awoke on the floor of my living room, my whole body aching, feeling unclean in some vague way. The sun was shining in mercilessly through the blinds. I tried to remember the night before…
…
After a long, three-hour workday, I am ready to relax. I change out of my trademark lederhosen- and-tweed-jacket writing attire and into my Piccolo? bathrobe. It is a souvenir from my first and last Paulie Pumpkins books tour and one of only five such robes ever made. And it is of course emblazoned with a variety of historical figures caught in, let us say, equine carnal relations. Before I can make my way to the fridge for a beer, the doorbell rings.
