Jack Vadgeblaster, Space Doctor

I'm a doctor AND an author!

Author’s Preface: I penned this kickass story in response to The Baron’s bitching about how no one writes optimistic science fiction anymore. Eat your heart out, Alastair Hackreynolds!

By Dr. Rooster McAwesome

Jack burst through the membrane that led to the love chamber. He deactivated his skinsuit and already his octopenises were unfurling in anticipation.

“I’ve got gleebing on my mind and NOTHING is gonna stand in my way!” He declared, throwing back his head to emphasize his nano-sculpted jawline. The ancient, classical pop song “Smell Yo Dick” was being piped directly into Jack’s auditory nerve. Classy joint, he thought.

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WARNING: This Brown Bag Contains Awesome Advice

I'm a doctor!

By Dr. Rooster McAwesome

As you may have gathered from my byline, I am a doctor. This means that, in addition to having a huge salary, a mansion, a gorgeous young wife with perfect knockers, and a teenage mistress with slightly better knockers (that my wife totally knows about and is cool with!), I am much more intelligent and gracious than you non-doctors. That’s why, when I see a nice story on the secret doctor news website about a fiscally responsible Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate, I think, “Wisconsin?! Who cares? It’s basically Canada.” But immediately afterward I think, “Wow, I like this guy. Now what can I do to help him out?” That, my friends, is what separates me from your Average-Joe-Keystone-Light-30-pack. So what follows is my advice, as a doctor and a genius, to Scott Walker.

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