Genius to Save World with Dick Drawing

I'm a doctor AND an author!

By Dr. Rooster McAwesome

Alia Sabur, the world’s youngest professor (which she attained at 19, beating out 16th-century overachiever Colin Maclaurin for the all-time record), made the news today when she announced she had figured out how to plug the BP oil pipe and thus save the world. Her plan, dubbed “seabed retread”, involves inflating tires within the undersea pipe to stop the flow of oil. Many geniuses get inspiration from odd places, and Ms. Sabur is no exception. “I like to draw dicks,” she told me during our interview earlier today.

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WARNING: This Brown Bag Contains Awesome Advice

I'm a doctor!

By Dr. Rooster McAwesome

As you may have gathered from my byline, I am a doctor. This means that, in addition to having a huge salary, a mansion, a gorgeous young wife with perfect knockers, and a teenage mistress with slightly better knockers (that my wife totally knows about and is cool with!), I am much more intelligent and gracious than you non-doctors. That’s why, when I see a nice story on the secret doctor news website about a fiscally responsible Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate, I think, “Wisconsin?! Who cares? It’s basically Canada.” But immediately afterward I think, “Wow, I like this guy. Now what can I do to help him out?” That, my friends, is what separates me from your Average-Joe-Keystone-Light-30-pack. So what follows is my advice, as a doctor and a genius, to Scott Walker.

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A review of Dr. Dog and “Dr. Dog”

By Baron von Höboschlaier

It is with great ennui, Dear Readers, that I bring you my review for Dr. Dog’s new album Shame, Shame. The problem is, there is not much to talk about. It is a yet another hybrid of classic rock and modern sensibilities, but that shouldn’t discourage you, Readers.

There are delightful melodies and harmonies to spare, the use of actual instruments, and an overall Stones/Bowie/The Band vibe. And what’s wrong with being influenced by the greatest era of pop music? Dr. Dog shares many musical reference points with previously-featured bands Spoon and BRMC, but recombines those elements into something distinct. All of the songs are solid, and there’s not much for a humble reviewer to say but “listen and enjoy.” If pressed, one might complain about the occasionally weak vocals, or the sometimes awkward lyrics, but I’ll leave that to my colleagues to explore.

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