I'm a doctor!

By Dr. Rooster McAwesome

As you may have gathered from my byline, I am a doctor. This means that, in addition to having a huge salary, a mansion, a gorgeous young wife with perfect knockers, and a teenage mistress with slightly better knockers (that my wife totally knows about and is cool with!), I am much more intelligent and gracious than you non-doctors. That’s why, when I see a nice story on the secret doctor news website about a fiscally responsible Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate, I think, “Wisconsin?! Who cares? It’s basically Canada.” But immediately afterward I think, “Wow, I like this guy. Now what can I do to help him out?” That, my friends, is what separates me from your Average-Joe-Keystone-Light-30-pack. So what follows is my advice, as a doctor and a genius, to Scott Walker.

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